10 Things President Obama Must do to Improve Sports in America

I was and am a big Barack Obama supporter, and happy as a clam he was elected President.   Now, in the spirit of change and moving this country forward, I have come up with a modest list of what I believe are critical needs in the world of sports, issues I want to see our next President deal with immediately. 

Mr. President, I present the following for your consideration:

1. OUTLAW the designated hitter in the American League.  This is a fascist practice and should be stamped out.  It ain’t baseball if the pitcher doesn’t bat.  PERIOD!  I could give you many more specific reasons here, but there is no need.  The DH is morally, ethically, culturally, socially and historically criminal.

2. Do something about Boise State’s football field.  That blue field sears my cornea. 

3. Ocho-Cinco, Terrell Owens, Pacman Jones:  Got to go!

4. Change the overtime rules in the NFL.  No more ties.  Adopt the rules from the College game.  Works well enough for them.

5. Go against your campaign promise of having the Attorney General look into a college football playoff system and, instead, outlaw the BCS and return things to how they were pre-BCS.

6. Naked men’s swimming.  Speaks for itself.

7. Make the White Sox play in those ridiculous shorts that they wore in the late ‘70s.

8. Force the Northwestern Wildcats to turn off their fucking PA system at football games or at the very least buy some speakers that don’t have blown tweeters.  It is literally deafening.

9. Put the NBA finals back on at 11 p.m. during weeknights like they were in the 70s and early 80s, ‘cuz I hate the NBA and it is interrupting my television viewing.

10. Get me some good tickets to a Blackhawks game.  Preferably in a skybox.